Sunday, August 11, 2019

Headpeeper Part II: "How did I end up in a cult and why did I stay so long?"

I get the question a lot when I talk to people about my past history. I will begin my meandering explanation below but at the outset I have to say until recently I have always looked at manipulation from the leaders from an external point of view as a main cause. What I have come to realize is that is not fully true and it is a shallow answer to blame others for your own mistakes. No, the answer is much more vast than just playing the blame game. The main truth is ‘No one can do anything to you unless you allow it….’  The condition of my life and entry into the maelstrom of a cult is  more common than you might think. You see, in all of us there is a process or ‘mapping of the human soul’ as Carl Jung put it. It is an experience common to us all so count yourself a part of the human condition with all its possbilities — good and bad.

What I am about to share with you is universal to all of us. Cult or not, there is an element in everyone’s angst of self-actualization and personal ascendance from infantile to maturity. We are a complex animal and what we miss or what is withheld from or given to us at early stages of development continue to linger on through our lives. We cover things up but the basic and raw need unfulfilled or vulnerability exposed and left open is still present under it all. In other words, we get stuck between childhood and adulthood at various stages of development depending on what has happened to us in our lives. It is the human condition. We all have imperfect parents who although they did the best they could were able only to actuate out of what they themselves had. 

What is the reality? 

Given the right conditions, almost ANYONE can be drawn into a place that promises what they have lacked in their own life journey.  What person on this earth had perfect parents? I would venture to say very few. We all arrive at physical adulthood at various stages of mental development .When a cult promises to complete or perhaps re-engineer in that  person to fill the void present from one’s life experience, needless to say it is a temptation to at the very least explore that offer. This is what a cult promises. This is why people get caught in a cult. 

I am no psycho-analyst by any means but see if this doesn’t make sense. I will later tie this into the cult member’s psyche. 

Carl Jung was a pioneer in ,spelunking the regions of the mind. He proposes the following stages of growth to maturity.

 In the below, I will use the term ‘Mother’ to refer to the parenting unit as a whole that encompasses what the child perceives to be the parental unit

Stage I: pre-egoic. Part I:  This is the infantile state of every human soul. It is defined as where there is no separation or delineation between one’s self and their mother. As any infant can be observed, they are totally dependent on the Mother. In the beginning, the mother caters to the infants needs. It is a total immersing of the infant into the caring and loving arms of the mother. Feedings happen as well as diaper changes and stimulus to keep the child engaged and happy. In this state the child is in a perfectly blissful state of being. It experiences the unconditional love and care of the mother (in most instances under normal conditions).

Stage II: Pre-egoic Part II. As the child grows, schedules become more rigid, actions may meet with reproof and as such the child  experiences a conflict of being passive to the actions of the  mother  versus the beginning stages autonomy where the child due to the actions (or lack thereof) of the Mother, starts to individuate. 

So what do we see as the role of authority here in the life of the infant  from their point of view: There are two sides of the Mother:  The ‘Great’ Mother versus the ‘Terrible’ Mother. In the beginning there is nothing but unconditional love but as the life between the infant and mother expands, the Mother begins to impose rigidity and perhaps puts conditions on her love and approval. The more these conditions are experienced by the infant, the more angst the child experiences in becoming detached from the Mother. This is a natural progression of the life of anyone human. We all have experienced it to a certain degree and our experiences are more common than we would believe that they are. 

Stage III: The egoic stage: Once the infant begins to individuate from the Mother, there are two general directions it can flow ( there is a lot of grey area here of course but let’s keep it a general direction knowing there as a wide spectrum of possibilities in those general directions). These directions are still based on the primal orientation and role of the Mother.  The Mother can respond to this stage in two ways to each life experience of the growing child: they can respond in affirmation and positive reinforcement or they do not. Here is the crux: to the degree the Mother affirms the life experiences of the child, the child will either build upon that in their self development or the child will log that as area where some supplement is needed. The end result is either development of self-confidence and healthy sense of self worth or the lack thereof. As the child grows into adulthood, the life experience of the child will have a firm foundation or one that even the child themselves senses is inadequate. 

So what am I saying? 

Given the fallibility of parents in general, the child that becomes physically an adult may under all the facade of self-compensation be looking for something that promises completion or at least resolution to areas that never received the degree of affirmation that they expected.   

In essence, the majority of mankind is looking for transcendence to a state of maturity that somehow and someway was never reached. In other words, we in life are unfulfilled looking to fill a void of simple affirmation that we are ‘on-schedule’ and moving forward towards a whole person body, mind and spirit. 

So take a look again at yourself and ask the question. Could YOU be susceptible to a cult? I would say it is highly likely — given the right conditions. It is the universal condition and it goes all they way back to Adam and Eve — we are all their children. 

Enter the Cult. 

So what was the apothecary mix of circumstances that caused my attraction, my enmeshment, my remaining and my gaining leadership in the cult? 


That is another blog entry…stay tuned. 

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