One way to look at trials and suffering is the relief at the end and perhaps a blessing from God as a reward to all the trust and faithfulness we demonstrated during the time in the fire. I have lived most of my life with that perception: to look forward to when the trial was over and to receive from God Himself a confirmation that His job in me for that finer quality he wanted to reveal or produce in me was now present. I had grown. I had learned. Now I could go on with a deeper relationship with Him and look back to others that might be behind me and encourage them to keep stepping forward at faith’s pace and eventually be as blessed and experienced as myself….
What a crock.
What is so special about the reward we receive after the trial we are facing is passed? When really looking at it and examining the state I have found myself in and have been in for years, I have come to realize something that in the outset I did not see. If you have been following or reading this blog at all, you will know that I have been blogging over a decade and in those posts over the years you have perhaps journeyed along with me through all kinds of struggles I have faced. But I have to say in all of those, there was at least an inference, a hope, that the situation I was living through would have resolution. So many patterns in the Bible infer and even exemplify such endings: Job’s final state, David’s victory over Absalom, Abraham’s raised knife, Pauls jarred prison door and dare I say it, Jesus’ angelic relief after His testing. The scriptures do tell of such great a powerful endings that one comes to, even trained, to think of a trial only in the light of its coming resolution.
But.. what if you have waited in light of that and only that: The resolution you have imagined and hoped for. What if that has not come? What if there doesn’t seem to be any hope of it? I know what others have said to me ‘Just keep believing, keep trusting God for that outcome…’ Here is what I have come to:
“Our soul wait for the Lord. He is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in Him, because we have trusted in His holy name… Ps 33:20-21
I have come to a point that I no longer hope in a good outcome in my situation and trial. It has been over ten years and over those years I waited for a good outcome. I have learned to sit at His leisure and no longer look for relief. In the verse above is wisdom. David expresses a great truth so often missed in a pursuit and focused attention on relief. There is another way to live and I will provide and example of such:
When you are married, you are beautifully teamed with another. In some times, that other is strong when you are not and it goes the other way as well. You are elated, comforted, strengthened, relieved by that other. The point is it is a life shared. It is this that we must realize is perhaps the greatest thing we can accomplish. When we finally stop looking for the answer and share our lives with Christ where we are and know that wherever we are, He is there sharing our burden, then we have something given to us: our journey has ended in the presence of Christ. I read so many commentaries and expositions that constantly talk about trials in light of their coming resolution when in fact the point may be to learn how to abide with Christ.
Perhaps this is the truest sign of follower. The point is never the destination, it is being with the Master. The greatest of adventures has no end and so it is with us.
