It has been about 10 years since I have seen some immediate family. We try to go on with life and have some semblance of normalcy but I have to say it is a temporary thing.
Somethings you never get over. Somethings never heal. It is the price if love and because it is that force thet holds you, there is no other force that can overpower it. It continues to think only the good in people, bears a wrong suffered, Hopes all things are possible. It is the hole in time from which there is no other escape. We cannot escape it because there is the presence of love for the missing pieces in our lives and it is part of the deal.
Recently my wife took. Job and I was glad for her and very proud. For my wife it has been a great struggle over the loss of those she birthed. There have been some conversations over the years but non of them leading to anything good. I was hoping through the job that she could find value in helping people who really needed it. She has been excellent in her performing her duties almost to.a point of fault. She has received several recognitions from her company for her care for patients that have come under her care. She slaved over documentation and ensuring all the paperwork associated with the patients was done thoroughly and all the requirements were met…and there were many. I was so proud of her and to see her face light up when she actually made a difference in someone’s life because she was in it. But it was taking a toll on her. What she once had to deal with the stresses of life she no longer was able to gather it. She tried again and again but each time she had to draw from that place there was little to be found and eventually there was nothing to draw from anymore. It was gone. Her ability to cope with such issues was no longer at the level she once had. It was the hole in time that had taken from her the very life and strength to keep going. I was trying to encourage her to keep it up but I have to say my expectations for her were too high. I forgot about the hole in time. The loss has taken its toll and frankly there is nothin to draw from anymore. It is a terrible thing to see someone have to give up something she loves to do because she just cannot gather enough to continue.
The Hole in time is some place where you choose to dwell because it is anchored in love. You don’t think love is destructive but it is at times. You cannot forget and you cannot change your mind without leaving something behind that you cannot.ever let go of…your children. That is too much of a cost.
So here we dwell in the hole in time. There is no escape because we choose not to we cannot forget those once who walked with us.
So we wait frozen in the Hole in time. Victory has lost it former definition. Now it is defined in being able to live one day at a time. That has to be good enough.
