Monday, May 29, 2017

The Lost Plan, the Sparkle off a Building

Is 32:8 “But the liberal deviseth liberal things; and by liberal things shall he stand.” .

What is the meaning of liberal here? It comes from  a root Hebrew word that means ‘willing hearted’. That is being willing to do something. Yesterday was a very interesting day. A day of new beginnings as such. Priorities change in life and sometimes we prioritize wrongly. We get lost in the ebb and flow of life and stress what is not as important. So, how do we get back to the real noble plans ( another meaning of the root word of liberal). We first of all think and meditate on them, we deliberate counsel over them and consider them. This last weekend, I had surgery and we had to stay downtown at a hotel. Years ago, before we came to North Carolina, my wife had a dream (please don’t think this spooky, just listen). She saw a building of mirrored glass in that dream. In the dream, she was standing in some fashion by a courthouse when she could see the building. In the early morning of my surgery, she peered out the window and saw two things. The the sparkle off the building in her dream and the courthouse which was on the other side of the street where we were staying. Moreover, the building was about a block from  where I currently work downtown.

These are things to consider. I came here for the purpose of ministry and got lost in other things.. I blame myself for that. I make no excuses for missing the mark. I lost my way. This weekend, I realized time is short and what should I really be focusing on? I have been both a success and a failure. A success at my chosen profession to some degree but a failure as a messenger for the Lord Jesus. What is more important? What is that which will last? I think we all know the answer to that question. So I sit here in the morning patched up, sore and somewhat fused together to make it into the future what is left of it. I consider plans that have dust on them. Will they live? I do not know. The only thing I have to go on is certainly not my ability only my willingness. I am 59 years old, I have no strength left and my physicality is challenged at this time. There is no vision left for me to use, it is gone. But there is a weekend where I was reminded and perhaps stronger than that: re-called. I have no expectations and certainly no plans. I have set my sail once again. I may crash on the rocks and I may drown in the tempest but the journey is what is important not the outcome. I have already failed and there is nothing to lose.There is only a noble plan and nothing more. I take my last stand. If I fail again, I have tried. If I succeed in whatever in God’s estimation of what that means, I have counted for something. What is it we all really want to hear? ‘Well, done Thou good and faithful servant…’ That is my plan, that is all I have. I hope it is enough. 

So the questions are:
Can God use one who has squandered His greatest gift?
Will God use a washed up, never has been?

I am a ragamuffin in the deepest sense of that word. Worldly gain has been mine but I am spiritually impoverished and yet God asks me to take whatever I have left ,a few fishes and loaves, and pass them out. I have a willing heart and I may fail yet again but the service I have is given with the best I have left. I am bedraggled but willing, I am poor but had a noble start, I am tired and older than most but the sparkle off the building calls and I must go yet again. My path uncertain and ill defined. Groping in the dark for any footing and living dangerously in the hands of God. 

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