In a movie theatre it is the first thing you look for. In the opulent theaters of Hollywoods’s golden age, They were gilded caged letters softly glowing in the murky smoky drone of the on going picture. ‘Exit’ . Sooner or later, we use it. There is no intermission and there is no avoiding it. It is difficult living with a chronic condition. You go as if nothing is wrong and all is okay until another event tells you that there is no escaping it. The ironic blessing is that those with conditions that signal an exit, know full well the preciousness and brevity of our walk on this earth. When they come, you take the medicine say a prayer for a positive outcome but ultimately you never know the outcome. Will the futile medicine work to stave off the condition or are these the last hours? Frankly you never know. This is when you know your faith. At that time, the vapor of life hangs in the air and you see how fragile it is. It is a gossamer web lilting in a slight breeze. It is in that moment you realize that the wife sleeping beside you may not see you as you are at that moment ever again. So you pray and you hope.
We go on our busyness of each day with its own troubles and highs and lows but in the backdrop just off stage, there is a looming senes of life’s brevity. This is when thoughts fly not to one’s self and what is ahead but the memories flood in on you and it is in that moment you realize the fullness of life that have been lived. You see and feel in those moments the love and exhilaration of a kiss, a hug, a laugh and a cry. The times that you prayed when you were desperate for an answer. Funny thing is that though thoughts and memories do not focus around what you did, what you achieved, or even what you failed at in your life. Your remember the softness of baby hair, the smell of lotion on a freshly changed son. The taste of a kiss from a new bride and a dance with a daughter at her wedding. The children’s laughter comes flooding in and it is then you realized that you not only held love in your hands but you touched it and tasted it. This is what I remember about my life most of all. It has been a good one in my estimation. I think we all feel that we have lived several lives and I do not think it is uncommon to think that. I guess the question I have for you is what do you remember at those times when the vapor of life seems so fragile. For those of faith it is not fear — it really isn’t. It is about a life lived and the good things the Lord has allowed you to experience. It is about moving to new places in your heart in mind. It s about holding no malice or ill will because in those times there is no place for that. It is said in the Old Testament that the word for death translates as gathering. It is not a harsh and dark thing, it is much akin to when Jesus looked at Jerusalem and mourned His rejection from them. He sought to gather them and in that sense I do the same. I look at those who have rejected me, all of them and the only emotion I can muster is far from anger, it is a feeling of what might of been and what could have been shared between them and me. That is what I think about.
So I say this Holiday Season to those who think ill of me, please know I do not think ill of you. I understand that you are doing what you think is best for you and yours. I get that. I wish you nothing but peace and rich love from all that is in your fleeting life. At Christmas time many put candles in the window to signify that the Mother with Child and the Young Husband are welcome within. There was no room for them in Bethlehem so they did the best they could and God met them there. So I put a candle in the window in hope, a hope I will never lose because it if based on love for true love hopes all things.
Merry Christmas to all I have wronged please forgive me and do not count it to my ledger. Believe me I have put enough there for the both of us. I hope you can forgive as I have forgiven you. This is the instructions of our Lord because He most of all understood the weight and baggage we carry around with us. Let it go, reach out and know a hand will be there to grasp yours and there will not be anything but love felt between us.
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